I turn the switch on and a light comes to life. Icons arranged in an order on a wallpaper that is age old. Not so ancient, it's been long since I have changed it. I should. I will. maybe. 

I exhale a deep breath, as I try to rub sleep off my eyes, the clock screaming 11:11 PM, a clear indication of uneven timings and unorganised life. I should probably change this, I will, maybe. 

The weird thing about us humans is that we all have things to do, but not things to change. We can live a lifetime ticking a checklist off, doing things that are meant to be done, meant to be completed and yet be unfulfilled. 

I have been in the creative world for almost three years but sometimes I wonder if I am really "creative enough"? Am I really worthy enough to be called one. Sometimes we try to be creative by following rules, while the whole point of creativity is to break them. 

Nevertheless, getting the job done is what I want, what everybody wants and without action, even the fluent of words fall flat. I add colors to the empty canvas that sit before me, i change them one after the other, I add elements, change them, add them again, no not working, new file, delete, rename and the cycle goes on does this even end ? Or am I stuck in a rut of going in circles, chasing myself and eventually finding no way to the end. 

I need a break, so I grab a quick coffee, and a huge bite of course, hoping it will help, it does sometimes, we'll most of the times. Putting the coffee mug down, I get back to work entering the world of color palettes, shapes, tools, pixels and canvas. They speak to me and most of the times they stay silent. Being a designer sucks, all the time. But the value of design is known not during the process but when that tiny flame of joy that rises in the heart when the picture in my mind aligns with the picture I see. 

And now I see it, I see what I have seen long ago, I see the colors that I wanted to see, I see the elements in the same place I have imagined them to be. And not only that somehow my senses are activated to hear the design speak to me, captivating my heart and of course filling it with joy.

Being creative is not about what I can think, it's about what I can see. And I see a masterpiece curated by my own hands and nurtured by my own ideas.

P