Lekhny post -09-Dec-2021

                                                Pain

Lately, I am going through a peculiar sentiment in my life. Never had experienced such a rare and strange feeling. All this while I grew up thinking pain is something that affects us physically. Usually, Mumma pampered me when I express my physical pain before her. 

'Mumma, my stomach is aching, my head is painful, my legs are hurting.' Just my words would come out of my mouth, and my mom would shower all her love and care over me. The amount of love I would receive from her would drive away the pain in no time, but my Mumma's care and pampering would not stop. I always saw my agony shifting into her eyes.

I would see her suffering more when I went through the discomfort. No pain was so intense that it would stand before my mom. She always stood like a shield before my sufferings and as a pillar behind me. She stood in my service day and night whenever I needed her.

Now I am in pain, more robust and firmer, which has promised never to leave me. It is a pain of losing my mom. She left me alone in this world to fight with everything all alone.  That mom who would answer to my whispers even in her deepest sleep, no more answers to my screams and shouts.

           Today I know the real connotation of pain. Pain is not when our body aches and recovers later; the problem is when we do not understand what is hurting. Pain is not only instinctual but also the one who breaks up the soul. It empties our heart and creates a vacuum which sucks every happiness into it. It makes us an empty capsule. Tears never dry up. Nobody can console us. It melts away the soul bit by bit. The loss of my mom generated such a giant whirlpool in me that I have lost my identity. This pain is so unique in its type that I am not able to recover from it. I prefer to be lost in her memories because this world seems so inconsequential after her. Every affection seems so greedy. This pain has no medicine, no relief, and it increases every passing day. The world tells me to be patient, but mom did not teach me how to be tolerant without her. Now I know what the ultimate pain is. It is the melting of the soul everyday bit by bit till the whole body gives up. Now my physical obstacles do not trouble me at all. They just touch and go.

With mom around, even the darkest nights shone brightly.

With mom's encouragement, even the highest mountain seemed hillock.

With mom's touch, even the immense ache vanished.

With mom's blessings, even the most formidable task became manageable.

With mom's support, I felt I could conquer the world.

But now, after her,

The brightest day seems so gloomy,

 Walking in the path of life is like the most significant task,

Even the slightest pain leaves an ugly scar,

With the whole world at my feet, everything is so meaningless.

 This is the real meaning of loss, the real sense of pain.

NOOR TABASSUM