I can see

I can see them. I could always see them. I don't think they have yet noticed me, noticing them. They are everywhere. They follow us at work. They sit with us on the city bus or on the subway. They are there when we eat, watch t.v., sleep, even when we fuck! They whisper to us. They whisper, and we hear them. We believe we are experiencing random thoughts or having nervous breakdowns, or simply going insane, but it is them. They are watching, whispering, waiting. When I was a kid, I kept all this very 'hush hush', as my mom would say. I told my very closest friends, but never my parents. No one ever really believed me. Why should they? I mean, really, formless black clouds hovering alongside people, whispering evil thoughts into their subconscious minds as they go through their daily routines? Sounds like a Stephen King movie right? I have learned through these long dark years that some, like myself, hear them very well. They don't see them, as I do, but they sense them and hear their evil suggestions. These people are the Ed Gein's and Jeffrey Dahmer's of the world. Others hardly recognize their presence. They may succumb to the less evil suggestions like petty theft, sodomy, promiscuity, but they don't hear the more vile suggestions. Some, it seems, don't hear them at all or have learned to ignore them. How I envy those few. Always have and always will. When they whisper to me, it hurts. My mind struggles with their subliminal injections. My conscious mind is fully aware of what is happening while my subconscious insists that these thoughts are my own deepest desires. Sometimes when they suggest things that are beyond mere human evils, I have explosive migraines and nosebleeds. Yet, somehow, they seem not to notice. These days, I think they choose not to. Whatever the case, I can't live like this anymore. Watching the world fall apart around me, knowing the cause, yet unable to stop it. I am writing this because I have decided to end it all. I am hopeful that there may be others like me. Others who may, in time, devise a way to stop them. Maybe even eradicate them. I dream of a world without their influence, and it is that which has driven me to this point. Goodbye world, may you fair better than I. I slide my chair away from the desk. Sighing heavily, I head to the kitchen for one last shot of bourbon. Man, am I going to miss this taste. Knowing my immediate future, I decide that another one, two, even three shots isn't such a bad idea. They go down smooth, full of flavor, and with that slight bite that I love. As the bourbon slowly slips into my bloodstream, I can feel the buzz stirring and growing in my head. It is a welcome feeling, calming and steadying my nerves for the work ahead of me. I glance one last time at my computer screen, scanning over what is to become my 'Last Will and Testament.' I shrug as I turn away and head to the stairs, toward my bedroom, my gun cabinet, my sweet, long-awaited release from this madness that has become my life. As I reach into my pocket for the key to the cabinet, I pause, arguing with myself. 'It doesn't have to be this way,' I think to myself, 'You could go on living just fine. You just ignore the state of the world like everyone else.' These arguments were valid, but I can't abide. I know better. I may be able to live that way for a few more years, but the more I see, the less I feel like living. 'It has to be this way,' I say aloud, taking the cabinet key from my pocket, 'This is the only way,' I think, as I turn the key a single tear slides down my cheek. I pick up my .45, watching the light bouncing off of the metal, so beautiful. I drop the clip, ensuring that it is indeed loaded. As I slide the clip back into place, the true gravity of the situation starts to sink in, but I push it aside. With the loaded gun in hand, I sit down on the edge of my bed. My heart begins to race, my hands slightly shaking as I place the barrel against my temple. I draw in a deep breath and release it in a heavy sigh as I squeeze the trigger. Darkness, all around me, I'm falling. As I sink int